


Late Night Wishful Thinking

by Midnite521



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Angst, Crying, Getting Together, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Shooting Star, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Wishes, a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnite521/pseuds/Midnite521
Summary: Mike wakes up on the night of Chester's birthday to see a shooting star, and decides to give wishing a try.





	Late Night Wishful Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Hopefully this is okay, it took me a little while to write but it's finally done. This talks about/shows Chester's suicide attempt, which was hard for me to write about and made me feel a bit emotional tbh so I thought I'd give a little warning
> 
> These boys deserve a hug I'm telling you

It was hard for Mike to get himself to sleep on this particular night. And the more he thought about it, the more tears that fell down his face until he felt numb- lacking any sort of emotion for minutes at a time. He let out a shaky sigh as he looked beside him at his wife, who was fast asleep, before carefully getting out of bed and quietly making his way out of the room .

 

He stopped in front of the studio, looking inside for a moment then looking away as he shut his eyes tightly, trying to will away more tears as memories flooded his mind of earlier days from when he and Chester were recording vocals for a new song or just hanging out and talking for hours, goofing around at times. Letting out a breath, he opened his eyes and forced himself to continue his walk downstairs.

 

He then decided that he needed fresh air as he stepped outside for a little while. Sitting himself down in the driveway, he looked up at the star filled sky with a sad smile- his eyes suddenly burning from more unshed tears as he spoke.

 

“Happy Birthday, Ches…” Mike said softly, his voice cracking a little. “Sucks you can’t spend it here with us like you’ve always done, but I’m sure you’re celebrating wherever you are.” He looked down for a moment as a few tears finally escaped. He let out a hollow laugh, sniffing slightly. “Everyone misses you, you know.  _ I  _ miss you... a lot…” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Pretty sure there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thinking about you. I know I’m supposed to stay strong for everyone and tell them that things’ll get better in time, but I can’t. I’m trying to make it seem like I’m okay and that I’m slowly accepting it, but…” Another empty laugh. “I don’t think I’m convincing enough. Don’t think I’ll ever be.” 

 

“I don’t think I ever got to tell you how I really felt about you, Ches... I think I was just too scared I’d fuck up everything. I feel like maybe you knew anyway, though, with how often we were together. I think you could sense it. We were already with our wives at the time, so maybe that’s why nothing was ever said about it.” He almost laughed again, but decided against it this time as he shook his head. “I think even  _ they  _ knew how I felt about you. They still probably do. I wonder if I was really that obvious?”

 

He sat in silence for a while longer when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He let out a breath as he realized what he was looking at. 

 

_ ‘Were we supposed to have a meteor shower this month? I don’t remember hearing anything about this…” _ Mike thought to himself. He stilled himself as he closed his eyes and put his hands together. Although he didn’t normally believe in this kind of stuff, he felt like he was at the point where he was desperate enough to at least try making a wish. He felt it couldn’t possibly have been coincidence that this was happening on the night of Chester’s birthday- it couldn’t have been.

 

He quietly whispered to himself his wish, an image of his best friend clear in his mind. He wasn’t sure if it was going to work, but he was past the point of caring.

 

Mike didn’t remember going back inside, although he remembered not feeling like walking back upstairs as exhaustion hit him, making him collapse onto the couch and falling asleep almost instantly. He also didn’t remember his wife making her way downstairs quietly to place a blanket over him, already knowing where he was when she didn’t see him beside her in bed.

 

-

  
  


Waking up slowly, Mike groaned as he stretched, trying to wake himself up a little bit. Blinking away his blurred vision, he froze when he realized that he wasn’t on the couch like he thought he’d been. Putting on his glasses, he quickly reached for his phone, his throat closing when he saw what was on the screen.  _ 6:26 A.M. Thursday, July 20th.  _

 

“What…” He said under his breath in disbelief. “This has to be a dream... This isn’t real. My... my wish didn’t really come true, did it?” He asked no one in particular. Quickly, he got up out of bed as he hurried to put his socks and shoes on, grabbing his phone as he ran down the stairs and grabbing his keys as he threw the door open, not even thinking about closing it as he quickly got into his car. He put his phone on speaker as he called 911, putting his car in drive as he made his way out of the driveway, explaining in a rushed manner what he knew might be happening right now before hanging up and calling Chester’s phone next. Knowing he was probably going over the speed limit, his heart pounded harshly against his chest as the phone kept ringing, making him feel more and more worried the longer he didn’t get an answer.

 

“Please please please pick up,” He said in a panicked voice to himself. “C’mon, Ches, please answer your phone.” When he didn’t get a response the first time, he decided to try one more time, growing more anxious as he wasn’t getting an answer. “Please don’t do this to me Chester, come on, please answer me…” He pleaded, his voice almost cracking towards the end as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel to stop his shaking hands.

 

Turning the car off, he quickly ran to the front door, groaning in frustration when he realized it was locked before remembering that Chester gave him a spare key in case he ever needed to come over for anything. His hands shaking immensely, he pushed the door open as he ran up the stairs and towards Chester’s room, calling out for him desperately and hoping he wasn’t too late. Relieved that the bedroom door wasn’t locked, he opened the door as he ran in and looked towards the closet, his heart dropping instantly at the sight.

 

Chester didn’t seem to notice anyone was there as he instinctively clawed at his neck weakly before falling unconscious a few seconds later, his arms slowly going limp at his sides. Mike swiftly made his way over to him, supporting his weight with a grunt as he tried holding him up a little higher. Reaching in his pocket, he grabbed a swiss knife he knew was there as he cut through the noose. When he finally got through, he stumbled slightly when he felt all of Chester’s weight against him before he carefully knelt onto the floor, cradling him as he leaned down to listen for a pulse and letting out a sob of relief as he heard a heartbeat and quiet breathing. 

 

“Oh, thank God…” He murmured in a trembling voice as he felt tears run down his face. “Chester…”

 

Mike held him close as he rocked back and forth slightly to try and calm himself, carefully burying his head into Chester’s shoulder as he cried to himself. He didn’t even flinch when he heard sirens in the distance.

  
  


-

 

Mike waited anxiously in the waiting room of the hospital, his eyes frequently darting towards the front desk then back to the floor where he tapped his foot nonstop. He linked his fingers together as his bowed his head, letting out a breath to try and calm himself as he closed his eyes. He’d been told that he could go back home and wait for a call saying that he could come back in a little while, but he just shook his head in response saying he’d stay until Chester woke up- with which he received looks of sympathy before people went about their business.

 

It seemed to be a little after 9 in the morning now, so Mike had been waiting for a couple hours- the tears having stopped just a little bit ago. He knew his eyes were probably red, but he didn’t really care what he looked like now- all that mattered was Chester.

 

He quickly looked up when he heard footsteps, feeling hopeful when he saw a nurse standing a few feet away looking at him with a nervous smile, her fingers tapping against a clipboard. “You must be Mike.” She stated softly. And before he could ask how she knew who he was, she continued as if she knew he were going to ask. “Chester has been asking about you for a few minutes now, he described you pretty well.” She added with a small chuckle. “Would... you like to see him now?”

 

“Yes, please.” He answered under his breath as he quickly stood up, catching himself as he stumbled a little. Breathing in shakily, he nodded towards the nurse who then started to lead him down the hall.

 

She stopped just in front of the door, lowering her voice a little as she looked towards Mike again with worry as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

“Do to the recent... attempt, it may be best that he isn’t left alone for the time being. Since you’re a friend, do you think you could watch over him? At least when his family isn’t around.” She asked, genuine sympathy in her voice. “I can tell that you love him…” She said quietly. “I saw you waiting for him in the waiting room for a while, not wanting to leave in case he woke up.”

 

He blushed slightly at the statement, although he wasn’t sure if she meant ‘friend’ love or something more. He also wasn’t sure how she’d be able to tell if it was the latter. He nodded anyway in response to her question.

 

“I’ll watch him.” He answered with a small smile. She smiled back before taking a step away, then turning to walk down the hall. He looked down at the doorknob, swallowing nervously before opening it and peeking in before walking into the room and closing the door behind him. His breath caught in his throat when he heard his voice, and he froze for a moment.

 

“Hey…” Chester said quietly, his voice rough. Mike’s hands started to shake as he felt the tears coming back, though he tried holding them back as he turned to face the singer. He let out a breath as he laughed out of relief, his laugh cracking at the end as some more tears fell silently.

 

“Ches.” He whispered as he walked over and sat in the chair by the bed, tempted to reach out and hold his hand but refraining from doing so. “I’m so glad you’re okay…”

 

“They said you were waiting a while.” Chester told him, sighing shakily as he looked up at the ceiling. “Honestly when I woke up, I had no idea where I was or what was happening.” As he spoke, he didn’t pay attention as Mike looked at the bruising on his neck, holding his breath as he did so. 

 

“Do... you remember anything?” Mike asked carefully, not sure if he was okay enough to answer yet. Without looking at him, Chester shook his head lightly.

 

“If you’re asking whether I remember anything about you showing up at my house, then no, not really. I don’t remember anything past the point of everything going black within seconds.” He paused for a minute as if he were thinking before he turned to face Mike, guilt in his heart at the emcee’s red and watery eyes- knowing he’d probably been crying the whole time. Voice breaking a little, he spoke again. “Mike... how did you know…?” He bit his lip worriedly. “I... I didn’t tell anyone about…”

 

He trailed off, but Mike knew what he meant as he answered. “I, um... I guess I just had a feeling?” He said, not sounding sure of himself- which Chester seemed to catch onto as he scoffed lightly.

 

“You had a feeling? Really?” He asked, disbelief in his voice. “You had a feeling that I was going to kill myself this morning? Can you explain to me what that means?”

 

“I don’t know, Ches, okay?” Mike sighed in exasperation, making sure he didn’t raise his voice in the process as he ran fingers through his hair, most likely making it more messy than it already looked. “I guess I could just tell that you weren’t being yourself the past couple months. And you sounded... different... when you said you wanted to go back home to work.” He added quietly, avoiding the singer’s watchful gaze. 

 

“That doesn’t really explain how you knew specifically it would happen this morning, though. It seemed like you just...  _ knew _ , already. You even called an ambulance.” Chester murmured weakly, almost too quiet to hear.

 

“I couldn’t lose you again.” Mike whispered more to himself, hoping Chester didn’t hear him. He shut his eyes when he knew he’d heard him anyway.

 

“Again?” Chester asked, confused. “Wh-what you do mean again?” When he didn’t a response right away, he sat up as he tentatively placed a hand on the emcee’s arm. “Mikey?”

 

Knowing Chester wouldn’t believe him, he decided to tell him something that would sound truthful enough for now. “Not literally,” He said with a forced chuckle, hoping he sounded convincing. “Just a dream I had, I guess.” He finished with a shrug as he looked at him again to see a frown. 

 

“Are... are you alright?” Chester asked him. He laughed under his breath in slight surprise.

 

“Y... You’re asking if  _ I’m  _ alright, Chester? Seriously?” He received a stubborn expression in return.

 

“Well, yeah.” He told Mike matter-of-factly. “Are you? I mean, I’m probably wrong, but it just kinda sounds like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

 

“There isn’t.” Mike said immediately as his face grew slightly warmer. “I just care about you okay? A lot. You mean too much to me for you to just leave me.” His eyes stung, but he refused to cry again, as he’d done it too many times already this morning alone. His hands did start shaking again though, no matter how hard he tried to keep them still. He spoke again, his voice unsteady as it raised slightly. “You... you can’t just  _ leave  _ me like that, okay, Chester? You  _ can’t _ . I love you too much.” The room was silent for a few moments as the confession hung in the air.

 

“I... I’m sorry.” Mike heard him whisper, emotion evident in his voice. “I... I-I didn’t…” He choked up, cutting himself off as his eyes grew watery, sniffing a little. “I’m so sorry…” 

 

Unable to get himself to move, Mike could only watch helplessly as Chester wrapped his arms around himself, shaking as silent sobs wracked his body.

 

“I’m so sorry…” He whimpered as he sniffed again. “I just... couldn’t. I couldn’t...  _ deal  _ with  _ anything  _ anymore and I just... instead of telling anyone how I was feeling... instead of telling  _ you _ , I just... I decided it’d be better if I were just...  _ gone _ . That way no one would have to deal with me anymore. I couldn’t stop myself once I started going through with it.” A quiet gasp escaped him as though he were trying to catch his breath before he breathed out. He looked back up at Mike. “I’m sorry, Mike... I love you too, and I’m sorry.” 

 

Mike bit the inside of his cheek before letting out a sigh. “You don’t need to apologize, Ches.”

 

“Yes I do.” Chester told him firmly. “I do need to apologize, because I almost fucked up everything. I should’ve just came to you and told you how fucking depressed I was feeling.” He said more angrily, although it seemed to be directed at himself. “I let my thoughts... my demons, get the best of me- and I shouldn’t have.”

 

“That kind of stuff can happen to a lot of people-”

 

“It can, sure, but I need to be stronger than that. For my family, my friends, the fans... I can’t leave them like that. Not when they need me to be there for them.” He murmured. “So many of them look up to me, I can’t leave them... Not that I’m the best role model for them though. I mean, look at me.” He said, laughing bitterly.  “Look at where I’m at now because I almost did something I can’t take back.”

 

“It can  _ happen _ .” Mike repeated, placing a hand on him in reassurance. “Everyone has bad days. Or weeks, depending on the situation. But I know you... You can fight against this. You’re not alone, you’re never alone.” He ended, smiling a little when Chester laughed.

 

“That sounded kinda cheesy, but thanks anyway. I appreciate it.” He responded softly, grabbing Mike’s hand to hold between his. “So... you said you love me?” He asked timidly. “So is it like, a friend kind of love, or do you mean something else?” Chester seemed to know what the right answer was when Mike’s eyes darted away anxiously as though he didn’t want to answer the question. His eyes grew only a fraction wider as his heart thumped loudly in his ears. “Oh, Mikey…” He breathed, not knowing what else to say. He’d had a feeling all these years, but he didn’t think he was assuming correctly- for himself  _ nor  _ Mike. He’d figured the feelings would just go away, or that he just really cared for his closest friend. Like before, he was wrong.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mike said, copying Chester. “I know we’re married, and we have  _ kids  _ for fuck’s sake, so I probably shouldn’t be having  _ any  _ sort of feelings for anyone but Anna. But I don’t think I can help it.” He bit on his bottom lip for the umpteenth time that day, his eyes silently pleading with the singer. “I mean, I love Anna- I do, but I don’t think it’s the same kind I feel for you…” He could feel as the guilt gnawed at him, but at the same time he was relieved to finally say what he’d been hiding. “I’d understand if you didn’t feel that way, but I felt like I should tell you anyway.”

 

“What do you think I meant when I said ‘I love you’ back?” Chester teased lightly before turning serious. “I love Talinda myself, but I suppose it’s not the same kind of love I feel towards you. If I’m being honest, I feel like she knew before I did.” He said with a chuckle. “At least  _ I  _ think so. I kind of talked about you a lot, so I feel like that was a little obvious on my part...”

 

Mike chuckled slightly before sighing. “So what are we supposed to do with this? It’s not like we can get together when we’re still married.”

 

“Hey, we’ll figure this out alright? Together- like you said.” Chester told him encouragingly. “I’m sure they’ll understand if we tell them our feelings. They might not be so happy at first, but I  _ know  _ they’d understand. They have to... ‘cause I really want to be with you.” 

 

“She wants to see you happy.” Mike told him with a small smile, referring to Talinda. 

 

“Has she told you that before or something?” He asked, smiling lopsidedly.

 

“It  _ might _ have come up a few times.” Mike said with a smirk. Chester rolled his eyes before a thoughtful expression appeared on his face. 

 

“So... are we giving this a go, then?” He asked almost apprehensively. “I mean if... if you still want to.”

 

“I do, but…” He paused for a moment. “Shouldn’t we wait, or…?”

 

“Probably, but I’m not patient enough to wait that long.” Chester said with a giggle. “One little kiss right now wouldn’t hurt, would it?  _ Please _ ?” He pleaded, even pouting a little. “Just for a second.”

 

It was Mike’s turn to roll his eyes before sighing once more. “I  _ guess _ .” He said, pretending to be annoyed before he grinned, moving closer and pressing his lips to Chester’s, a fulfilled feeling washing over him.

 

“We still need to tell everyone about this.” Mike murmured.

 

“We will. Not that they don’t already know, but we’ll tell them anyway. Now no more talking.” Chester complied, struggling to move a little closer as they kissed one more time for that morning.


End file.
